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User blog:Bobdave/Epic Rap Battles: Modern vs Classic. Count Dracula vs Freddy Krueger
Eyo guys. No, it's not two weeks after Hallowe'en, how dare you, shut the shh. This battle is sponsored (that means co-written!!!) by Flats who did astonishing work in his verses and finished writing way before I did. This is sorta a mid-season finale if by mid-season you mean the end of the first third? A third-finale? Ah! I have it! A Ternionic Extravaganza! That's the phrase now. Use it or eat shit. This is the first Ternionic Extravaganza of Modern vs Classic, and it features the bat-transforming blood-sucker with a considerable noble rank, Count Dracula, against Wes Craven's glove-handed gore ghoul with a skin condition, Freddy Krueger. Flats portrays Dracula's opposition in this battle and does a splendid job of doing so. Although I think he'd like this to be his last horror role for at least a while xP Not sure what else to say so let's get cracking, darlings. WARNING: Really really really scary like really ---- Instrumental: The Warrior by 2Deep 'Count Dracula:' It's from the midst of Transylvania I am summoned To do battle with Wolverine's fashion-impaired cousin You're Craven a win but you shouldn't Count on it ‘Cause my bite is iconic! What you know about gothic? My name's feared throughout right down to the letter No one’s scared of Edward Scissors in a Christmas sweater Your execution scene’s cerebrums of snoozing teens But know you can’t win in yours, let alone my dreams 'Freddy Krueger:' Christ Lee oughta stick to sleepin’ and leave scream-weavin’ to the demons So welcome to prime time, gramps! I got something you can sink your teeth in, Watch your worst nightmares come true and undo what you’ve come to, And Count von Count the seconds left until your reckoning; One, Two! The kids check under their bed for Fred, not some necktie wearing dead guy, While you dilly-daddle in a silly castle, I run the Street! Wes side! You’ll bore any kid to snores while the horror critics love me, And when my verbal furnace has surfaced, boy, I hope you brought some sunscreen! (Frankenstein’s Monster plods in from off-screen.) 'Frankenstein's Monster:' On the subject of burns, what of that boiler room blaze? Now it looks like Freddy slept in his spaghetti bolognese Your gore stories are abhorrent! When will the cut and paste be finished? ‘Cause the guts of your movies are literally just the innards Our novels have substance, you lack moral question Just monotonous shockfests with repetitive resurrection So it’s Crystal clear we should finally put this stubborn goon to bed And I may chew your neck, but don’t lose your head 'Freddy Krueger:' Scared of torches and pitchforks? I got both of ‘em on one glove, This is God speaking, dishing out divine judgement onto Adam from above! (Jason Voorhees lobs off Freddy’s head from behind.) 'Jason Voorhees:' You gotta get down on Friday, ‘cause once the machete’s skewered Freddy Krueger, It’s heading for two unsteady losers, and Jason X’s gon’ give it to ya If it ain’t my favorite Hockey Punk, coming to join the rap fest, To show Chocula and Frankenberry they’re cereal killers at best Send what’s left of the Monster back to the Doctor, ‘cause snitches get stitches It’d be a worse fate to leave him livin’, but I’ll rip him to bits like his mistress, Time for a shocker when sparks are spit and jump-start a reanimated carcass Just a glance into my eyes is ten times as chilling as the Arctic I’ll trample the vamp’s legacy harsher than any stone-faced starlet, Cooking you up like creepy pasta, and the secret ingredient is garlic (The Wolf Man leaps into the fray) 'The Wolf Man:' I preferred Jay's silence, so this’ll be his Final Chapter Incisors twice the violence of a knife or spinal fracture ‘Cause when this canine takes a bite into your frightful tropes, then I can show There’s nothing quite alike a lycanthrope up on the microphone HOWL I’ll de-mask this weak-ass mama’s boy with a clean slash I’m surprised he hasn’t drowned in his own ocean of rehash You’ve no notion of screams, just screen trash for a Hallowe’en bash How can you best real monsters when you couldn’t even beat Ash? You’re feeble, we’re fearsome, inequal in evil! And you have the worst lines that we’ve seen since your sequels! If we took those blades off your hands, what would stand Is an immortal child molester and the Elephant Man (Michael Myers walks in from in between Freddy and Jason, pushing them out of the way) 'Michael Myers:' This isn’t your musical, but Frankie’s catching a case of stagefright ‘Cause the thirty-first’s your date-night with the Shape and his steak knife Who will take the life of a raging canine if he doesn’t play nice Keep howling at the moon and you'll be Dead by Daylight Stumble away as fast as you can, but I always do my targets in, You’re not frightening, I’d find all three of you in a Party City bargain bin This dog’s forgotten who he’s messing with like he’s got dementia, So once you make it back to hell, you can tell ‘em Freddy sent ya 'Announcer:' WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? EPIC RAP BATTLES (The logo is skewered from behind by Freddy's glove, Jason's machete, and Michael's knife) Modern... ---- Hints explained Yu-Gi-Oh! Monster cards vs grass Slashers. Hints for the next battle I don't really know what to say but the two rappers sorta sound like a Canadian person's song WHO WON? Monsters Slashers If it wasn't clear by the way, Flats played all three of Freddy, Jason, and Myers. Thanks once again Flojo and congrats on completing your fantastic series. Category:Blog posts